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Monday, November 5, 2007

The Plant

It has been a while since I wrote in this blog. I think now is a good time because I have noticed, that for the most part this blog has remained to have a rather positive on going theme. I am feeling a lot better. I went to a counseling session and am to make appointments for the future. Being able to talk about how I am truly feeling without having someone place judgement upon me is simply freeing and spectacular. I look forward to further progress and will try and keep this blog more up to date.

I was truly wanting to leave this place at semester because I was completely unsatisfied here and felt unchallenged. I still feel that way somewhat but I am trying harder and I am going to make the effort to be a stronger, well rounded, student, and individual.

I think the biggest challenge for someone my age is finding myself, and especially doing it without making myself the central focus. I am looking forward to find what effects I have on the world and how everything else is affected by me.

Along with the longing to leave this place I felt that the opportunities would only grow for me if I did. If that makes any since...? Basically my belief is that if I leave at this semester and go to school in my hometown I will only make and save money. I will also learn how to drive again, since it has been several years since I have even really attempted to drive a vehicle.

Benefits to going to SBU are the following:
*save and make money
*learn to drive
*allows for better closure
*take math and science at a easier pace.

Disadvantages to going to SBU are as followed:
*not exactly the freedom I might desire
*might be lonely
*readjustments must be made

I believe that the advantages out way heavily the disadvantages, still I am not exactly sure which I actually want. I am traveling home this weekend and hopefully can gain good advice from much wiser individuals than I.

Also such wonderful news I must post is the new leaf I have turned over.
I pledge to myself all of the following to allow myself to be completely cleansed.

-Cleanse Pledge-
*no smoking
*no drinking
*no going out unless homework/studying is done
*take showers
*clean my room
*go to be before 2 am
*eat when hungry
*study the bible
*pray

I am looking to cleanse myself so that I can be a new person willing and ready for any challenge. I want to be the person that can make things happen and make others happy. It is built within me to make what I dream a reality I just need to be cleansed to fix the mess I have made of myself lately. This mess is not necessarily all my fault but I did participate in it's making. I have felt no motivation for sometime now, but now I have grown just the littlest bit of desire to get up and do and make something of myself anew.

So I am a plant,
waiting to be washed and refreshed
with the water that falls
from the heavens above,
the world is alive
with the lords love.
I am so open to soak it in
to have this happiness
eternal.