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Sunday, March 2, 2008

Hurt

I have a lot of pain inside of me. I guess the grieving process has started tonight. I'm so lonely in more ways than one. One of my best friends in the entire world is states away and I have no idea when the next I will see him. My grandpa with whom I was very close recently died and I am starting to realize that I am feeling lonely because I am alone in more ways than one.

I have a lot of thinking to do. A lot of reevaluation. I'm confused about certain attributes about me that have been added and subtracted over time. I need to sit and think long and hard about the person I am. Is this who I truly am? Or am I taking easier steps to making only simple things happen.

I think I might have a broken heart, but I have nothing or no one to show for it.

I once read a quote that said, "frustration is often confused with love". I think this speaks to me so deeply and I am a part of those few who confuse the two.

I need the breath of fresh air of a new city a new place and new faces.

1 comment:

Struggle For Justice said...

Alexis, I sent you two emails as intercessing@gmail.com, but in case you check your blog I will post something I hope will help with your pain. After our youngest child moved out and we had an empty nest, Martha and I decided to adopt a kitten. I love Russian Blue cats the most and my elder daughter had a part RB, so we took her home. I wanted to call her Dawn cause she is dark like the dawn, but Martha said her fur was like velvet, so she's Velvet Dawn. One of my smarta$$ granddaughters calls her VD for short. Well for months she was the princess of the house and when Joy (our youngest) came to visit bringing her cats along she acted like a wildcat. Well, we wanted to adopt another to keep her company and worried about how she'd act. Someone had a part Birman male kitten, so we brought him home. Well, she wasn't exactly thrilled, but since he was a small kitten she wasn't too hostile either, although she would put him in his place when she thought he needed it. One funny way she did was to hold his head down for a while, which was uncomfortable and most likely humiliating. Sometimes she'd growl menacingly at him too.
We named him Mozart because he's one of the few things we agree on, that is he's our fave composer. One day Mozart had to visit the vet and when Martha took him Velvet Dawn was actually sad, plus Martha caught her being affectionate with him when she thought nobody saw them.
Now it's a regular circus around here as they chase each other, play hide and seek and vie for each other's toys, so it all worked out. We are expecting to get a digicam soon and I'll send pics.