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Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Hello! Goodbye?

Lately I have been thinking about how one person's actions can most certainly cause another person's actions. It seems to be so subconscious, but I am starting to see it and to understand it. The concept can be a rather hard one to grasp but here is the story and from it you can make your own judgments.

I believe that God is real and all around us. I believe that no place, no materials, nothing other than yourself and possibly the work of other people can bring you closer to God. In this same sense those things can led you away from God but no one is the cause. No one leads you away except yourself.

It is like this. I feel like you are leaving me, every time I speak to you. Every conversations seems to separate us more. I hate the distance. I hate that that you think certain entities have placed you further away. I am starting to get angry and I am most definitely disagreeing.

I understand the leaving.
I did it myself.
But the contemplation that you might be staying...for years. It hurts. Honestly I do not believe you are called to leave a place but possibly to improve upon yourself. A certain land does not make a man successful.

In worldly ideas and views possibly but not honestly successful. What makes a man successful is his faith, his hope, his love for God and the rest of mankind. True success is knowing that you care for someone and they care for you and too what extend is only an extension to the success.

Fatherhood is success, motherhood is success
Friendship is success, relationships are success
We are the people. We are the ones.
We make ourselves. We interact, we learn, we achieve.

I think you are being selfish. I am only being honest.
I look around at this place, I call home and I see it.
I see it everyday. People I love being destroyed.
They are mad. Especially he.
I know he needs you more than even me.

You are not wrong for leaving. You were correct.
But I believe you are lying to yourself, by saying what you need isn't here.
I hear your cries and I am well aware of what you are looking for and it is here and has been for quite some time.

Again
I am happy.
I am feeling whole and pure.
I am feeling uplifting to myself and to others.
I am feeling the change
a breath
of fresh air
runs through me.

And to the other,

I am sorry that I spent so much time on you.
But it was not in vain and it was not wasted.
I learned a lot and I am stronger.
I fear the worst for you.
I care so much for you.
I have taken the liberty of blaming others for your mistakes.

Then again my dear all of these have been your own descion.
It is like you have one of the best hands ever delt but you keep throwing it out, and me. You keep loosing a little bit of me.

Each time I see you, I know you are loosing youself
and you have been uncovered by crooks and they lie to you and pretend to be your friends. But true friends do not encourage bad behavior.
They are honest.
They tell you what is right and what is wrong for you.
Even if it means you will no longer be with them.

I am not going to blame them anymore.
I am not going to allow you to have me anymore.
You have so much to give
and so much to offer
and you know it
and so do I
and it is killing me inside to see you rotting like this.
I hope leaving will prevail.

I miss the days long ago
before
when I used to only look
and I would never touch
how the physical
can change so much
it has been a benifit
for quite sometime
but I am growing ill
of knowing you will never feel
the way I do
or at least you won't admit
after all the toxians are gone
you just move
and keep on
moving on

and one step forward
at times can be
one step back
if you do not know exactly
where you are at.

I believe in you.
I believe in everyone.
You all have made me happy.
You all have made me feel something.
Isn't life about that?

I want the truth
to reveal itself to me
in the form
of you

of you
finally speaking
saying
something


may I express my regards and recite my favorite quote!

"To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a little better; whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is the meaning of success."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

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