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Wednesday, May 21, 2008

The Magical Universe

our friendship, is pretty nuts alexis...the more we talk and the longer i know you the more my love for you grows, but that makes it so much harder since we are apart. it's weird that we are the farthest apart we have ever been and also the closest we have ever been. all i want to do right now is give you a really big hug and tell you how much i love you. and i can't, and sometimes that makes me a little miserable. today was a pretty sweet day for me, i just sat around all morning listening to bob dylan and watching my flaming lips dvd, then went to work and had a pretty good night there. i'm really glad neither of us hung up last night in the silence, things really turned out great. i'm glad we are so tight that i can call and unload on you like that, then we can just sing a song together to end the night. you are so special lexi, i'm not sure you know how much you mean to me. i just can't wait to see you, davey!

I think there are certain things in life that go unsaid and actually need to be said more than what is regularly said. I once posted a blog with a lot of random numbers and I did not reveal with whom I was speaking too. I almost always contemplate revealing those but then I had a better idea. I believe I am just going to pick people and say certain things about them. Certain things that I feel need to be announced and said. Regardless of how it will make them feel or what reaction it will create. Davey and I have a very amazing relationship. It seems to be so strong. As you can see in the above paragraph, so strong despite the distance. I miss him so. I have a lot of respect for him and I hope that more people can experience a true friendship like this.

And now the words of wisdom, insight, advice, pleasure, disdain, and so on that I will present to a number of people. I am sorry if this offends but even more so I hope it will shed light onto many of your lives and help you to wake up. I am going through my friends list to find people.

Cricket:
Sometimes you are awfully mean and it hurts me but I know that you do not even realize this. More than that though I see such an amazing, beautiful, and unique person. You are magnificent in every way. I know you will do and see great things. All your dreams are most definitely a possibility, you are grand. I miss a lot of the times we used to have and it is confusing to me being back here and discovering that it isn't the same. But I am obnoxious to even expect something so absurd. I love you.

Julia:
I admire you so much. I think you are so beautiful and I cannot wait to come and see you in Germany. You have such a kind heart and I know you will be something absolutely spectacular. You lovely and wise. I love you.

Jessica Sun:
You are truly full of inspiration and strength. You have so much character and charm and I know you have only good and kind thoughts towards me. I never understood how others couldn't be more honest with you but I have never been dishonest. I think you are a glorious individual and I miss the wonderful times we have had together. I have my fingers crossed that we will work together again during this summer. You help me to restore faith, I love you.

Stevi:
We have a very interesting friendship. There have been times that I have had such disdain for you but we both grew up and grew out of it. You have been through a lot but you have persevered and that demonstrates a lot of courageousness, character, and power. You are wonderful in so many ways. I love how constantly you will tell about the numerous amounts of times that we have laughed together in your car for hours about god only knows what. You are brilliant in so many ways. I love you.

Seth:
You are my opi. I love you. I have never had a friend like you or met anyone like you. You let a lot of terrible people walk all over you and Cricket and I really broke you out of that and your little shell. I told you I will always have a place in my heart for you and that is true. You are such an intelligent and dorky and fun person and I just love you to pieces.

Jess:
You are my wife. My favorite party pal. I just love you. I am so glad that we became friends for so many different reasons. You have really added a lot of entertainment and insight into my life. You are so beautiful and confident, you truly shine. I love you.

Lindsey:
You are a goof but in the most unforgettable and glorious way. You are truly you. I have learned a lot from you. Had many arguments, shed tears about random debates and such. We had some really awesome discussions and I love to chat with you about the differences in my perception and yours. I love you and your freckles.

Jenna:
You are awesome in more ways than one. You have a light that follows you and a lot character and morals that you hold close to your heart. I hope that doesn't change. I truly believe you could be president someday. God knows I will vote for you. I love you.

Mina:
I remember being your friend as a child but it doesn't seem to compare to our level of friendship now. I learned a lot from you the past semester and I am so sorry that I left so many people I care for behind, yet again. You are very fun intelligent and strong. I am so glad I got to know more about you. You are much more than I ever thought and I love you.

Lindsay:
I care deeply for you but I feel like you are on a destructive path. The last time I saw you I was hurt and angered by your actions and lack of respect. I guess it is hard to give and to have love and respect for others if you are not feeling it or receiving it yourself. You are very very intelligent and we had a very instant friendship. I hope you are doing well now. You and I were going through a very tough time together and that built a bond I am sure will be hard or impossible to break. I love you.

Amanda Wood:
You are such a wonderful person. You are so funny and I never laugh with anyone else the way I laugh with you. It is so real and almost childlike and it is so great. I think you have such a true beauty about you. You show such strength.You will be something excellent. I love you.

Ma:
I love you more than anything. You truly have helped me see reason for living and so much more. You are my strength in my weakness and my inspiration or light in my darkness. I only hope I can return half of what you have given to me because you deserve so much and more. It is so hard to put into words all that you have done and all that you mean to me. You are truly the most beautiful and magnificent person and mother anyone could ask for, I am so glad that God gave you to me, or me to you! I love you.

Aunt Traci:
There is so much to say to you as well. I find you to be one of my biggest role models and one of my best friends. You deserve so much I cannot fathom why it hasn't found you yet. Sometimes, no all the time I feel like I will go through the same trials. If so I have you to help me through it, as I hope I have for you. You are beautiful and funny and kindhearted. You care about the things that matter and I admire you deeply. I love you.

Courtney:
You have such a sweetheart and sometimes that can be bad because you will let people walk all over you. But having me as your older sister (me beating you up all the time) has made you really courageous. You are just so cute. I always want to hug you. I love you. I miss being your sissy.

Connor:
You are one of the cutest dorks and best cosions. I am always amazed at when the time comes, how men change their appearance or perceptions that the outer world might have of them when it comes to helping out the family. Connor you are a good kid. You have a big heart. You sit around in your underwear and play video games a lot but I still love you.

Kancy:
You are one of my best friends, even though we get into arguments a lot. You have good advice, mostly. Sometimes I wish you weren't so vocal about certain things but other times I am really glad you are. It is give and take really but I truly appreciate you and our friendship means a lot to me.

Josh:
You are a good guy and much more than you let people see. I hope that whenever you go and wherever you go you find what you are looking for there.

Steven:
I miss you. You seriously weird me out sometimes but generally I really like being around you. You are funny and you make me happy. You are so goofy and very different. I miss singing all kinds of songs with you, such as my paper heart and you giving me weird nicknames like superboobs or hotpants.

Matty:
Curious george you are great lol. You have a large part that you don't let out to often and you are truly one cool cat. I am so thankful that I got to see some of that side of you. You have a pretty good taste in music and movies, which is something I would not have expected when first meeting you, although I have known you forever it seems the last two years or so we have became better friends. I am going to miss eating with you at the dining hall and so on. Keep cool.


Tess:
You are hands down the best R.A. ever. I miss you already and I have not been gone that long. I will definitely travel my happy butt up to Springfield to see you graduate. You are such funny person and I am glad I got to move into blair. I love you.

Madi:
You think I am a weirdo and I love that about you. I love you for your strength and sense of humor and how you have more depth than most people. You are inspirational. I adore thee.


Brittany:
Best roommate ever. Seriously we were destined to be roommates. You are beautiful and fun and just understanding and I loved every minute of residing with you and I'd do it again, if it wasn't msu. You are just wonderful. Give my regards to Jake...love you both.

And to everyone else that is not mentioned I am sorry. You can put a request in if you like. I will give you a little piece of my mind if you really want it.

Today is Wednesday. I started classes at SBU on Monday. I think I made the right decision coming back to Salem. There are times of course, that I believe that I might have left something good but then I remember the feelings I had deep within me bursting almost outside of me in fits of pain and in tears. I am glad to have left. Yet I miss many people. I think so much of what I have done has been to help me form into the human I am supposed to be. I am getting used to leaving people and watching them leave me.

If you left me this very moment I would weep but a very second later I would pick up my own bags and move somewhere else as well. I like the life I lead. I have no real strings attached to anything. I am enjoying this near high school experience, we shall see what turns up later on.

Right now I am enrolled in 5 courses. The courses being Computers, English, College Algebra, Biology, and later on in the semester Critical Thinking. I believe this is a true opportunity to test my decision making skills and also to see if I have the ability to make the most of a situation, (which I am crossing my fingers that I still have that particular talent).

I have always thought that creative people are made out of circumstance. I most definitely am a pure example of that theory. It is so strange the way I write. I intended, at first for this blog to be a little spill about certain individuals and such but it has obviously become so much more. Most people are going to forget that they opened this little entry suspiciously after hearing from another individual that their name was mentioned in it.

I am tired of people creating notions about me. I have stopped talking as much as I used to. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I now understand that I can do so much more just by listening. Also I seem to grow further detached from most of society.

While I was in Springfield that was all I would pray and hope for, a total detachment from society. To live, to breath, alone. I have wanted that more than anything this past year. It is like once you leave a certain institution you lose your purpose.

Everyone is looking for their purpose. I seem to have found certain purposeful positions for others but I am constantly struggling to find mine. They do say that it is the journey not the destiny that matters.

I do recognize more than ever, the beauty. The beauty in every second. Things are so good if you want them to be and just the counter. I engage in writing these days that sheds even more light on the brighter side of life. It helps me to feel more complete.

I hope that my writing means something to someone. I believe our existence is elegant and we are here to exchange and interact ideas and concepts. I have so much knowledge that I wish to gain and I know there is no way to learn it all.

I find everyday life humorous.
Today I was in my English class and this man explained that he did not want Barack Obama in office because "he wasn't an American, he was a Muslim", that statement to me is truly both hilarious and troubling. Obviously this individual is very convicted but not at all informed or seriously ill informed. If you are not catching on to this the man seems to view Muslim as being a race.

Muslim is a religion. An American can be a Muslim. Only an American can run for president.
Muslims believe in the book of the Quran. The man also was angered by the fact that Barack would not say the pledge of allegiance. I am Christian but I also believe in freedom of religion and speech. I truly believe that if this man believes in a different God than he need not say it. Especially if he is not causing a fuss that someone else is saying it. Freedom of speech is there for everyone to do exactly that express themselves freely.

I just really find it harmful to have individuals in a society that will only allow for freedom of speech if it is speech they approve of.

I wonder whom everyone will be voting from president.

My last list that was hidden had little stuff about teachers inside of it. I find that rather amusing. I like the fact that I know many people already at SBU. I think that is a bit of a benefit now but I am surely going to move far away and make a whole new life for myself once my general education requirements are met.

I think everyday is a new beginning.

I was discussing with Davey the other day the fact that everything on the Internet produces results instantly, or almost immediately. I said I think that could possibly be on of the reasons that I adore the Internet so much. Then again if everything were so fast he said, "we would loose a lot of the surprise" and I said, "yes, you are correct and also a lot of it's value". It isn't weird how time becomes a measurement for value.

What is time...and value...how is value a function of time? My algebra and my free writing are coinciding we might be on the brink of something brilliant.

good days old chaps.

and let me follow this up with a quote for concise summarization.
this one in particular is dedicated to Davey from me and Mr. Paul McCartney
"Think globally, act locally"

"In the magical universe there are no coincidences and there are no accidents. Nothing happens unless someone wills it to happen."-William S. Burroughs


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