Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Pretty Awesome

It has suddenly come to my attention that there are more than a few paths I could take a this certain time and the same goes for all the rest of you.
But as for most of the options I feel like I am coming to the end of the road.
I’m starting to realize the truth in people. The truth that was covered by a veil of adolescence. I’m growing tired of petty things and I am ready for real solid grounds. In my personal life I have all but attached myself to the others. Now I am alone but I am the happiest I have ever been. I feel strong and independent. I feel like nothing and no one can get in my way or bring me down. I feel a change coming upon me and it’s exciting.

I wish some real folk would come visit me in my little apartment. We would have coffee and conversation. We would discuss the highlights of our day and laugh about the past. How silly we all used to be. I’m not sure but this is somewhat of a letter to myself and somewhat a letter to all the rest of you. Especially you. If you can read into this and know whom you are then I applaud you.

I have been lately thinking I wonder if you will make the same mistake that I made using the same thought process and the same opportunities. Then again we aren’t that much alike, not that much at all. I think too much about everything and you just want to let it all slide. I’ve come to an path where I can see both ends. I see you and I see me. You can leave or you can stay and the same goes for me. I’ve chosen to stay because I feel a stronger hold here. You will leave. You always leave when I need you the most but I deny it. I deny that I needed you.

But no more. No more needing others. I can want you. I can even yearn for you but no more needing. You always tell so many tales anymore, it’s so hard for me to find truth in you or in anything else for that matter. I told this much but you think it’s cause I’m selfish. You all think that about me.

So that is just a flaw I have. "I think about myself too much and I ruin who I love". But I tell you now with all the past aside and with all that lies ahead and with everything within my little being, I’m sorry. I’m learning. And I’m growing. I’m not as stubborn as I used to be. I’m not as easy to understand but I am easy to calm.

I know I am developing because of all the sudden joy and strength I feel rising inside of me. I’m not really afraid anymore. I think if you wanna take a little piece of me, you’ve wanted it so long, wondering if you’ll ever get it.

I often wonder what the future will hold but as for now I am just going to enjoy the ride and see where it takes me.

Again I find myself obsessed with the strokes and also the cure. I think has something to do with getting back on the right track. I always listen to the strokes when I feel the most awesome and right now I feel pretty awesome. Nah, I just think it means I’m becoming a lot like I used to be with a better mind set and a little more reserved flavor.

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