George is my favorite Beatle!

George is my favorite because he was so genuine and spiritual and very under appreciated. I believe he was far more gifted than was realized by most. He was a sincere romantic in ever sense of the word and his talent both musically and lyrically were fabulous. There is something enigmatic about George that makes him far more interesting and desirable to know and understand more than John, Paul, or Ringo but I do have to say that all of the Beatles are magnificent examples of human beings and have vastly improved the world of music and beyond!

When I grow up...

I doubt I will ever grow up in this reality. I have too many ideas constantly swarming through my mind like bees. But without these bees that pollinate what becomes our thoughts we would not exist today.

What I really want to do is a little bit of everything. I might just do that. For now I believe I am going to major in Creative Writing and minor in Philosophy. For it is expression in any sense that excites me and rocks me to my core.

If I could inspire others that would be a dream come true. I would feel self actualized.

My business card would read as so;

Alexis-
Creative writer, philosopher, photographer, and performer.
Seek if you need something created, need to create, or need to be inspired.

I only hope that all my dreams become realized so that I may see what other things upon which to experience in this life.

Really all I truly aspire to do for the rest of my existence is to love and to return that love. For love is the greatest gift we have ever received and thus the greatest gift we could ever give!

Okay so maybe my "business" card will read;

Alexis Snider
Lover of Life!

Something Shared

I rather dislike beginning so many of my blog post with the sentence I haven't written in a long time. The date on the blog could tell any genius that and thus it seems redundant to write it out. Yet, it is an easy beginning. The kind of beginning that really get's you going into a natural flow. I guess any beginning in which you state your stance on something does the trick, (refer back to the beginning of this blog). Tonight is a night unlike any other. It is one of the last few days of me living in Salem. I'm a little nervous.

Then again as of late I seem to always be on edge. Like someone or something is out to get me. Tackling me in the mists of my hopes and dreams turning into something close to reality. Guess it's just my own mind. Prior to writing this blog I read my last post. It is quite funny because I mentioned the 'Secret' and was talking about how I loved when things go according to plan...when dreams reveal themselves to be a reality. It is absolutely nuts to me because the very thing I was wishing for during that post came true just a few days ago.

Now that it came true I am not sure I really needed it. It is very funny how you can want something so terrible and when you receive it you no longer want it or cannot seem to find a place for it. I wanted someone I had not heard from in a long time to contact me. They did and for an entire day I carried a smile on my face. For no other reason but the knowledge that I had a wish come true.

It's like when you are walking and it's a little chilly outside and all you hope for is the littlest bit of sunshine sure enough there it is. It is a physical, emotional, and spiritual relief. A handshake or even a hug from something of a higher sense. God. Reassurance.

So after that day past I started to realize that I wanted comfort from this person that they could no longer bring me. "We aren't the same people." "Were we ever?"

I doubt anything will come out of our conversations. I longed for fate. I felt it was taking control...sometimes I like to give everything to that idea. Other times I subscribe to a mixture of fate and free will. Regardless I am left wondering why we are even conversing at all. And better yet why I so wanted to have that companionship in the first place. Especially after being told many times before that he never gave me the least bit of companionship.

I question why I want this or him so much. He is not a good deal and I am overly aware of it. I want to shout it to his face and then hold him close afterwards. This must be the ridiculous romantic in me. The part of me that tears me up the most.

I wish I wasn't always secretly searching for someone. I am though, always. I never feel like I need someone else. I just have a deep desire for it. I wish I could rid myself of those. Oh, how happiness would ensue.

Tonight I watched two films. Each were very different. Film number one was very disappointing to me on a very personal level. It was "Into the Wild" and I was looking forward to that movie with unspeakable excitement. It was so slow and I saw the end coming I just wasn't sure how they were going to go about it. I wanted to see it so badly because during my first semester of college I felt the same way he did near the beginning. To me it revealed that all he was wanting to do was escape his problems. I started to dislike the way they presented his character...it seemed almost pretentious. Regardless there was one wonderful line. "Happiness is only real when shared". Perhaps that itself can explain why I am always seeking another.

The other movie I watched was titled "Sex and Death 101". It was quite entertaining. I think it makes for a great unique date film. In this film, a man receives a list of all the women he will sleep with and everything pretty much goes from there but it was a rather nice movie. I would recommend this movie rather than "Into the Wild".

This is a random quote but I cannot listen to certain Bob Dylan songs without thinking about this person and it pains me because I love Bobby D. I wish I didn't feel so conflicted inside when I think about him. I wish sometimes that he and I were still friends. Perhaps when we are older or perhaps by then I will not even care.
"When we meet again
Introduced as friends
Please don't let on that you knew me when
I was hungry and it was your world."
I will miss you always, I just know it.

"the idea of waiting for something makes it more exciting."

-andy warhol.

the secret

I am so tired right now but seriously understandably so. Yet, I do not feel like sleeping and there is still a lot of coffee in the pot. I had a full day's work finished off with a little hanging out. I do not know why I live like a loon but I really feel like I either live doing completely nothing or live nonstop. I am happy again. I always feel really good when I have a job and truth be told I do not really care what I do. I just like having some kind of day to day purpose. Most days I contemplate what I would like to do in the future but as of lately I am again just content with where I am at. I am somewhat fearful that this feeling of happiness will subside once all my friends return to/start college. I am hopeful that I will be some place else by this time next year.

I honestly believe I am starting to become more comfortable with who I am and what I am doing with my life. I have a lot of freedom. But there is always a list of to do for dear ole me. Such things still include buying a car. This is the primary thing I would like to accomplish soon. I also plan to take a different picture everyday of myself for a year. I would really like to see growth or progression just some kind of a change overtime. I want to see how time and the effects of life are represented on my face and body.

I cannot believe it is almost five. The night seemed to be going by rather slowly at first but I guess it became later or rather early fairly fast. As I write this I am cuddled up in a blanket with a fan on while listening to the strokes. How I have missed them so and how I always turn to them in times of nostalgia, which is very often for me.

I hope tomorrow is just as good as today. I am starting to visualize my dreams and they are starting to appear with my patience and persistence. I am going to further research the concept behind 'the secret' I truly believe there is something to it and perhaps it maybe just positive reinforcement and head games but if so, it seems to be working and I like that. No actually I love that, I love when things happen and start going accordingly.

I am making it a habit from now on, to end all my blogs with both a photograph and a quote that represents my overall message. So here it is folks.

" Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony."
Mahatma Gandhi

How I Understand, I'm All Out Of Luck!

As of lately I have been seriously over and under sleeping but seriously, what is new in the life of Alexis? I'm really unaware of what even tomorrow will hold for me. I don't honestly care at this point in time. I put a whole lot of myself into other people. I'm tired of being the giver. I wanna receive something for once. I want to badly to be done with people as a whole sometimes. Just flush them all down the drain except for a select few. I guess we all go through moments where we would like to exterminate most of the universe. We are just waiting to be our demise. I see it. It's the truth we know but try to cover up. You do not really care about me. I've realized. You only think of me when we are talking and when we aren't I do not even exist. I need to be more to you than just a person. I'm sure I'm not going to be. It is time for me to decide what matters most to me. I don't know or I cannot remember.

My body is shaking. I have cold sweats and hot flashes and seriously painful migraines and a stomach that makes me weezy and some ears to make me dizzy. I got up at 7am to take some medication and went back to sleep until around 5pm. Went to the bathroom, then went back to sleep until 7:30pm. I have no idea what is making me sick. I believe it's all allergies.

Music always makes me feel better. I think tomorrow I am going to start working on my mixed tapes (compact discs) for Cricket and Jenna. I hope they enjoy them and always think of good times when they listen to them. I am going to fill them up completely with dangerously awesome songs...(previous comment may have been one of the most ridiculous statements I have ever said but I digress.)

It is so strange to me the way a certain song can compress every emotion a person feels at one consecutive time frame. Thus the mixed tape!

As of right now I am feeling four songs.

1. Stephanie Says - The Velvet Underground
2. Tonight, Tonight - Smashing Pumpkins
3. How Beautiful You Are - The Cure
4. Change is Hard - She & Him

I think all in all this post is about done. I am letting go.

[and this is why I hate you, and how I understand, that no one ever knows or loves another]

Do Something With Your Life, Because You Dream About It At Night

I have a sudden feeling that something good is about to happen. I am starting to see the brighter side of things again and I am loving every second of it. My holiday break thus far has been pretty good. I am quite sure this is the best break from school a person could possibly have(despite the fact that one of my best friends in the entire universe is states away). Regardless, I have got to spend a lot of time with people that I love and miss, including the lovely Julia Kropka. Saying good-bye yet another time, is going to present a fairly difficult task but I believe I will be able to manage because I have made up my mind. I made up my mind on several issues and so therefore, they are resolved.

A while ago I wrote a blog about not making plans because I felt that things were going to fall in to some sort of order nonetheless and regardless of what I do. Lately I realized that I actually don't believe. I don't believe that at all really. The idea that everything happens for a reason is an idea coinciding with the theory of fate. I myself, for quite sometime have always believed in free will.

The debate over free will and fate is quite the interesting one. I understand certain aspects of both and I believe that there are situations in our lives in which both must exist. My thought is that the only two elements that are fate and we do not choose are the elements of live and death. If you believe in God, you believe he created the world and all of it's inhabitants. So God choose when to create live and I also believe he is in charge of destroying it as well. Essentially the message is that you are born because God has reason to create life. It is your free will to decide what you do with that life. Then God decides when you die. Everything in between birth to grave is up to us.

"Life is like a game of cards. The hand that is dealt you represents determinism; the way you play it is free will."
Jawaharal Nehru

So here's my decision, here is my plan. Yes! I am making plans again because if you don't make them or set goals what reason do I have to get up or live a life? What would motivate or inspire a person to live if they have no real goals? Nothing solid to stand on and hope for, even if they do not succeed at least they have that dream. The idea that there is worth in the things you do, I lost that for a while. I lost motivation and inspiration but it is all coming back to me.

The other night as I sat on the computer and talked to Davey I realized that I was acting like I was not in control of my own life. I was acting childish and letting the things that surround me over take me. Well I became inspired as I listen to Davey talk and as I sit and read inspiration quotes; obviously.

Anyway I felt like I had been kind of dull in all aspects of the word and in all aspects of my life. So then as inspiration was shed upon me like a beacon of light I realized that the way I was acting was completely unlike me. Generally, I like to be happy, I like to make others feel good and laugh and be a sunshine in someone's otherwise cloudy or gray day.

So I was awaken from a state of comatose. I had been wallowing in hollow and dark grounds. I feel a lot better. I feel like I am again ready to take on the world and accomplish whatever goals I set forth.

As of now I want to accomplish a few and move on to bigger and better and so on.

-Finish Registration for SBU

-Find a Job

-Start driving

-Save Money

-Buy a Car

-Save More Money

-Finish Semester

-Save More Money

-Take a break with some of the saved money and visit Julia in Germany.

Those are just a few things I would like to accomplish within the year of 2008. I am hoping that this new year will prove to be a good one. These aren't resolutions because most resolutions are about changing or altering a state of mind. I would like to make to resolution to be more positive in all elements of my life and towards everyone else.

Good can only produce good and no amount of wrongs can make a right. I am going to be happier and I am going to do that for others. I am sorry for neglecting people that I care about to be selfish and I am sorry for being so self-seeking. I am done with all of that and I am making a plan to love, myself and everyone else.

"Most of the shadows of this life are caused by our standing in our own sunshine."
Ralph Waldo Emerson

I question most everyone in their motives and I find it near to impossible to trust. I guess in some ways it is selfish of my to want to keep myself whole and completely because I will never find what I am looking for that way. I just find trouble and I find it really easily. I wanna see good in everyone and I can honestly.

In fact below after you comment I guarantee to post a reply of at least two truthfully positive and nice things about you.

I want to produce more joy and I think this is a definite good way to do it.

P.S.

to all my lay lady lay's that are going back to msu this spring!
I am going to miss you all so badly. It is going to prove difficult to not have any of you around. You aren't that far away and when I get the money and the machine I will drive my little butt to see you. I love you all very much.

P.P.S.

to Julia and Davey

you two are more separate from me than any of my other friends but you two prove to be some of the best friends any person could ask for...and I love you dearly. Davey, I miss you and I will continue too miss you.
Julia, I promise to visit you in Germany. Davey if I don't see you in Missouri this summer you can bet I will see you in California.

P.P.P.S.

inspiration can come from good or bad things and once you find it, hold on to it tightly.

I am in love with the world tonight!

I want you all to see, hear, smell, and taste how I feel.

Inspirational quotations!

life :

Dost thou love life?
Then do not squander time,
for that is the stuff life is made of.
Benjamin Franklin

Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.
Helen Keller

The great blessing of mankind are within us and within our reach; but we shut our eyes, and like people in the dark, we fall foul upon the very thing we search for, without finding it.
Seneca
(7 B.C. - 65 A.A.)

dreams:

Our truest life is when we are in dreams awake.
Henry David Thoreau

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.
Eleanor Roosevelt

Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly.
Langston Hughes

The question for each man to settle is not what he would do if he had means, time, influence and educational advantages; the question is what he will do with the things he has. The moment a young man ceases to dream or to bemoan his lack of opportunities and resolutely looks his conditions in the face, and resolves to change them, he lays the corner-stone of a solid and honorable success.
Hamilton Wright Mabie

So do something with your life because you dream about it at night!

Scenes Part One

The following are ten movie scenes that have altered my being as a person in someway or another. perhaps the scene has made me view life from a different perspective or perhaps it has given me a little bit of hope or laughter even still these scenes have changed me. I want you all to at least have a glance at them.

me you and everybody we know


I find this film but especially this opening scene to have a rare quality. The quality being that it truly captures life and how strange and beautiful it truly is. I think about how these words are so powerful and meaningful to me. They have ensured a divine change within me. One that seeks to love each and every aspect of my existence.

the royal tenenbaums


Everything about this movie is magnificent. This scene is the best and the most beautiful. It demonstrates the idea that you truly cannot change who you love. It is a terribly bittersweet thing. This is life. And Ruby Tuesday starts in the background, and margot says, "I think we’re just gona have to be secretly in love and leave it at that Richie", it is truly spectacular in the most unusual sense.

everything is illuminated



As far as I am concerned this films title truly captures it. I love the way he Alex describes his admiration of America and Michael Jackson. It is absolutely premium. If you watch this film you will go through nearly every emotion it is guaranteed.

I heart huckabees


mark wahlberg is fantastic in this movie, his entire confusion over what matters and what doesn’t and whether or not everything is connected. It is a true struggle I am sure most human beings go through. I love this film. I love existentialism and putting it so hilariously into a film. "Don’t stop asking questions baby". "We need to sit down and talk cause this book is making a lot of sense to me". Plus I love Dustin Hoffman and especially his hair in this movie.

eternal sunshine of the spotless mind


the ending of the film, it is of course so beautiful and so ideal. I truly think every relationship is give and take, it must be, nothing is perfect, and that is life and that is real and wonderful.

garden state


"it’s life, if nothing else it’s life and sometimes it fucking hurts but it’s sort of all we have". garden state was a movement for me. i feel in love with zach braff and natalie portman as a pair. it was just so perfect, so cooky, and so meant to be. garden state is a great movie for so many reasons. I like this scene so much because of the raw feelings that it seems to capture and of course the chemistry and the quote.

running with scissors


to me this scene says so much about doing whatever you need to feel complete or free. it is really a neat look at how phyiscial our emotions can be at times. it is like finding a physical cure to any terrible emotive state, especially the feeling of being trapped. I adore this movie. it is even more amazing that it is all true.

art school confidencial


this scene is so funny and true at times. I am sure one could see this happening in almost any subject. art is so subjective it is difficult to be objective it is just so hilarious the way they critique the work.

trainspotting


best opening scene of any film hands down. choose life. it is absolutely extraordinary, a drug addict giving advice, preaching choose life and not drugs, choose life instead of having to run away like me...right now. Choose Life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family.
Choose a fucking big television, choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers. Choose good
health, low cholesterol, and dental insurance. Choose fixed interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your
friends. Choose leisurewear and matching luggage. Choose a three-piece suite on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics.
Choose DIY and wondering who the fuck you are on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing
game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pushing your last in a miserable
home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked up brats you spawned to replace yourself.
Choose your future.
Choose life.
Great advice!

the science of sleep


I love this movie is is visually stunning and just adoreable. it is cute and interesting. I love this scene because it is supossed to be about someone’s dreams and where they come from.

there are more movies and scenes of course that I could add to this list, but as for now, this will do.

enjoy your day.