Sunday, June 15, 2008

How I Understand, I'm All Out Of Luck!

As of lately I have been seriously over and under sleeping but seriously, what is new in the life of Alexis? I'm really unaware of what even tomorrow will hold for me. I don't honestly care at this point in time. I put a whole lot of myself into other people. I'm tired of being the giver. I wanna receive something for once. I want to badly to be done with people as a whole sometimes. Just flush them all down the drain except for a select few. I guess we all go through moments where we would like to exterminate most of the universe. We are just waiting to be our demise. I see it. It's the truth we know but try to cover up. You do not really care about me. I've realized. You only think of me when we are talking and when we aren't I do not even exist. I need to be more to you than just a person. I'm sure I'm not going to be. It is time for me to decide what matters most to me. I don't know or I cannot remember.

My body is shaking. I have cold sweats and hot flashes and seriously painful migraines and a stomach that makes me weezy and some ears to make me dizzy. I got up at 7am to take some medication and went back to sleep until around 5pm. Went to the bathroom, then went back to sleep until 7:30pm. I have no idea what is making me sick. I believe it's all allergies.

Music always makes me feel better. I think tomorrow I am going to start working on my mixed tapes (compact discs) for Cricket and Jenna. I hope they enjoy them and always think of good times when they listen to them. I am going to fill them up completely with dangerously awesome songs...(previous comment may have been one of the most ridiculous statements I have ever said but I digress.)

It is so strange to me the way a certain song can compress every emotion a person feels at one consecutive time frame. Thus the mixed tape!

As of right now I am feeling four songs.

1. Stephanie Says - The Velvet Underground
2. Tonight, Tonight - Smashing Pumpkins
3. How Beautiful You Are - The Cure
4. Change is Hard - She & Him

I think all in all this post is about done. I am letting go.

[and this is why I hate you, and how I understand, that no one ever knows or loves another]